My take on Harvey Weinstein

Let’s talk about the Harvey Weinstein case. I haven’t pronounced myself on it because I’m not shocked that this happens, this happens all the time in my business. I disapprove of course, but that established, I’d like to point out that I don’t think this was as much a "woman's issue" as it has been promoted.

I'd say this was a criminal issue: A high power individual using his position for bullying, and being opportunistic. Hardly a rare occurrence. And here is where I want to sit and dwell. It’s important that we don’t get side-tracked by the capricious nature of sexual consent's pro and con arguments. This is not about sexual consent, this is about blackmail and possibly violence.

I'd like to mention that none of the women in my life have cared to discuss it at all, nobody has brought it up. This is important to note. And why? Because we are women and we know what's up. I will go into this in a moment.

In contrast, all of my guy friends one by one like a dripping faucet picked up the phone or even came round, upset, and asked me for my opinion, treading carefully, measuring their words, not knowing what it is that men are doing wrong. Resentful at how many bogus arguments were being said in connection with the news, arguments no longer connected to the topic at hand, but branching out in colourful spurs of hysteria, attacking gender roles as a whole.

Now, I am a girl fighting for girls as much as the next one, but this nonsense of men versus women is getting old. We're soon going to lose our voice if we continue talking bullshit. Even we know it's bullshit, since we don't discuss it amongst ourselves.

This is my opinion: That where there is bullying and sexual harrasment, men are as much against it as women are, it’s redundant to try to convince them. We should focus on what matters, and on what's clear, being concise and to the point. Some victims have said this guy did this or that to them: Fair enough. But then the rest have joined to talk about other things, from the throne of faux validity that is social media, and that's stupid. 

Men have mothers, and they have sisters, and they actually do care about women a lot. I know this first-hand, as do all women. And that’s why we don’t need to talk amongst ourselves about it.

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I’m really gonna get my hands dirty, but someone has to do it: The fact is that women know, outside of whatever we proclaim on our blogs, that of course we use sex to get stuff. But that sex does not  guarantee that we will get stuff. A few of us know that the promise of sex is often a lot more fruitful than sex in itself. Women also recognize (FUNNY TERRITORY. MAYBE STOP READING IF YOU LOVE ME) that consent is a fine line, since we fantasise about forced sex when it comes from a guy we’re into.

For all of these reasons, we know that in a situation like the one in the news, there are no hard and fast rules and everything is subjective and dependant on how each person felt at that moment, so it's very difficult to judge and form a conclusive opinion.

We know that some women will have loved receiving advances from Mr. Weinstein, and that some will have found benefit in them.

We also know some women will have been awfully tormented by it, and it will have been unforgivable and unfair.

We know some might have felt the experience was horrid only in retrospect. 

We know the most traumatised women may not have enjoyed career benefits in direct proportion to their suffering, and that Weinsten may have even favoured some women who declined his advances.

There are infinite possibilities. It's human psychology and human relationships. And I believe, nobody in the female spectrum would like men to stop showering us with admiration and attention. We don't want to put a ban on sexual dynamics. 

Luckily, today's topic is not about sex, but about blackmail. If sex was part of it, it is not a cause but a vehicle. If there was no blackmail, the woman could have just walked away. How to respect oneself and how to walk away from a difficult situation is a life lesson that should be taught to women by other women, like men do amongst themselves. Men study this stuff and coach one another on it while women are busy competing with each other and trying to  please everybody. This is a separate discussion.

When someone is using blackmail, there should indeed be a system in place where the victim is taken seriously. Men blackmail each other all the time, as do women.

Respect for women is low as ever. It’s unfortunate, we should change it. And we are not gonna change it by continuing these petty fights with the opposite sex (ie. 49% of the population) that only make us lose credibility. We are gonna change it by becoming allies, and using reason, and learning to respect ourselves. Because men very much want women to be in a good place, it’s not a competition.

I’m not talking about Weinstein anymore.

Amen.

 

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