DEMYSTIFYING: The friend zone

Dear Men. 


On behalf of all women, I’m gonna break down this myth called the Friend Zone, deconstruct it, softly massage it to surrender.

It’s torturing you, and for what? I can’t imagine what it must feel like to think that there is a jail for friends, where men are confined to sexless conversation, with not a glimmer of light. It’s not true. There’s no such thing as the friend zone.

If anything, it’s a foggy zone, with clouds. A bit like heaven.

Not only is the friend zone a sunny place to inhabit, it is an oasis. We want to sleep with guys who are our friends, we don’t wanna sleep with some weirdo that we don’t know what he wants. So even if we might not have been attracted to a guy at first, we might feel different after, at any point, intermittently, in any order. Never in a conversation between girls does one go “Oh, I think I’m attracted to Daniel now. But I couldn’t have sex with him because now I see him as a friend” No. It’s a fucking dream to become attracted to a friend, you know the person, you like them, you know they stick around.

I’m not saying you should always expect to sleep with your girl friends, not at all. You shouldn’t become friends with a girl if you only want to get into her panties once, that’s shitty behaviour. But I’m just saying. That if you do step into friend territory, it’s cool. Starting out as a friend is a huge advantage. We like sex partners who are our friends. Meeting a guy for the first time is a disaster anyway. If we’re not attracted to you, we’re horrified we’re gonna let you down. If we do like you, we’re full of insecurities, we’re sometimes forced to sleep in our makeup for weeks, and we still don’t have enough information to know whether we will like to sleep with you really. We need a lot of information. We probably don’t know whether you have STD’s, or a hidden girlfriend/family, what books you read, your address, your favourite way to cook pasta…All essential to a favourable motion to sex.

Men boast about how many girls they fuck; Women boast about how few and yet how phenomenal men we fuck. We aim for an impeccable ratio. Friends are a no brainer, we know about you, it’s guilt-free green light zone.

I'm not just talking, I have proof. Players have been utilising the friend zone forever. And they never leave, and I wouldn't want them to, because I too want them in my friends and in my sex arena. You were friends before and you are friends after. They date you by being such fantastic friends, that you just have to sleep with them. They are your BEST friends, genuinely. You do the most exciting things together. And this enthusiasm, builds up to a huge libido in a woman. Off the top of my head, all of my girlfriends have slept with their best friends.

Of course being real is key. If you do not want to be a friend, what are you doing in the friend zone in the first place? Like who has time to make fake friends at the speed the apocalypse is approaching?

You're welcome.