On bisexuality

They say that “all women are bisexual”. This could be true. Hands down, I think we are all attracted to girls. The female body exudes sensuality, tenderness, its sexual attributes are accentuated and on display: curves, lips, lashes…all that lipstick everywhere, all that black lacquer all over our eyes. Women are sex, more than men are. We all get a boner without discrimination when one comes up.

This doesn’t seem enough to qualify for bisexuality. But then- What defines sexuality, where do you draw the lines? 

(c) Milo Manara

(c) Milo Manara


Is my sexual orientation defined solely by who I want to sleep with? Does it mean what turns me on? Or does it mean the person that I want to bond and start a family with? Must all three overlap for the ’sexual orientation’ button to become activated?

My relationships have never been ‘typical’ like the ones people talk about. I can never talk about them, I don’t know what to say. They continue to perplex me, but I can't live a pretend life. I’ve had very intense relationships with zero sex. I’ve kissed girls passionately, without feelings. I have loved women I have not wanted to touch. I don’t know whether I would have wanted to start a family with the men that I have loved. I have loved, deeply loved people I have never met. My sexual preference is ‘androgynous’, ‘depends’. I keep falling in love with people in the street that I don’t know what they are.

(c) Essy May

(c) Essy May

I can't accept that my sexuality goes only as far as what gives me a boner. To be honest, what turns me on is not always what I want to have.

I’ve thought about it in length, and while there are many visual cues I might wanna masturbate to, including objects/plants, I don’t necessarily feel the urge to actually get down and physical with these objects/situations. Believe me, I am an adventuress and I am ready to do so, but I don't feel like it. There is a distinction: Things that turn us on in theory, versus acts we actually want to engage in.

I think women, as a sex object, would kind of fall into that first category for me. I am sure I could fall in love with one, yet I don't think I would be using one for sex.

The inevitable question: What is “sex”? This is one of my favourite things to argue about. Vaginal penetration only? Penetration of any hole? What if there are holes, but not orgasms? Emotional comma, love-drunkness can happen without holes or orgasms and then what are you

(c) "Barbarella"

(c) "Barbarella"

Tantric energy with nowhere to go

Back to me.

While it is a glorious coincidence when you are sexually attracted to an opposite gender person, and you also want to make them your lifetime companion, and your body fits into them like mercury, and they buy you a horse, lets be real: We are not Barbie. 

I see people as having a certain percentage of female energy versus male energy. So women usually have more female energy and vice versa. Naturally, we want a person that complements us, so typically this will be of the opposite gender. I feel 70% female personally, so I'm into men who look like girls without any makeup.

It's quite hard for a girly girl to find another girl with enough male energy. I've heard those females are so sought after, I'm not confident I could get one. Men are so much easier. At the very least you can have sex with them and then decide. There are other issues with choosing a woman: They don't have a penis which is disappointing because we have room for one (don't throw me shade for saying that, it's a legit problem) and we can't have children with them. All in all, it's a challenging one in this day and age.

But I do love women. And I do love men.