I was writing a little commentary on how I feel about gender and know it's an ongoing discussion in my head. Well coincidentially I came across this article on Tantra from Goop, and I encourage you to read it because it's good. This has been my experience.

I'm probably attracted to the same percentage of men as I am of women (that is, a very small percentage), it's just a matter of finding a person that complements you. Like, I'm of a strong feminity and soft sensuality, and I need my partner to be able to work with that. Given the right balance, it doesn't make any difference to me whether a person is male or female. In fact, I prefer the androgynous, I often can't even tell my lover's gender from afar! They tend to have long hair and soft features, and often wear makeup and female clothes. Although of course sex would be challenging with a woman, I'm really into phallic instruments.


From Goop, where it's explained much more eloquently:

Each human has both masculine and feminine in them. We usually tend to enjoy one aspect more than the other—that’s what is called the essence.

The feminine in men and women alike enjoys the flow of life and love, revels in the ability to enjoy beauty, nature, textures, colors, and experiences. Fullness is the feminine principle. Sexually speaking, the partner with a feminine essence enjoys the aspects of surrender, dissolution, and being ravished.

The masculine in men and women alike enjoys the forward motion of directed action and purpose. A time/space grid of linear planning and thinking feels enjoyable to the masculine. The masculine principle is emptiness. Through meditation, watching sports, competition, having a drink, “zoning out” in front of a TV, and relaxation through sex are activities the masculine in a person enjoys.

Men and women have both traits, but in a polarized (meaning sexually oriented) relationship one partner takes on the feminine expression and one takes on the more masculine expression and the radical differences in orientation create a strong arc of sexual polarity. The further the “poles” are apart, the stronger the sexual attraction.

Gender has very little to do with polarity practices. The only important thing is that one partner animates one end of the spectrum, while the other partner goes as far to the other end as possible for the sake of the strong arc of polarity. Polarity works like physics, with easily applicable rules that can produce polarity almost instantly. (In workshops I can teach these techniques and even strangers can effortlessly produce polarity). It’s much easier producing polarity than it is to find a compatible loving relationship.


(Illustrations by Luis Royo)