How to have fun the right way: Party Etiquette I

DIANA
What is your party pet peeve?

PARTYGOER
Ugly people 

4742

Welcome to the first installment of Party Etiquette. There is a lot to be said about mingling, and in the words of Hunter S Thompson, "anything worth doing, is worth doing right". I could have titled this How to party like a rockstar, but coming from me that's a little redundant.

To begin: In the spirit of being contrary to anything that everyone does, I'm gonna take the most popular line and ban it.

The Damned Question: "What do you do?"

Do us all a favor and don't ask what any of us do. If a person wants to tell you what he does, he will. When you ask "what do you do", what you are essentially asking is: 

- How much do you earn?
- Are you important?

We all agree those are rude, invasive questions to ask a stranger. Besides, nobody of any interest is gonna answer you truthfully. They know nobody of any interest is gonna ask that.

Note: If you're going to parties to fuck find important people, look elsewhere. Parties are full of people who don't do much, therefore go to parties. Important people are busy working, or doing cocaine with escorts in the comfort of their hotels. Which leads me to

Conversation

In all my years of getting trashed research, conversation stands out to me as the talent where accomplished party-goers excell. It is immediately evident. They show interest, but they don't interrogate you with factual questions. They say something funny and move on. Alea Jacta Est, people. No. What was the other one? Carpe Diem. Live the party, there's no need to produce a CV of the person. If you're both socially adept, you'll be able to start inquiring about each other without being as brusque as

"oh so you're a designer! Who are the best 5 designers right now?"

What is this, Trivial Pursuit?? More often than not, the person asking this sort of question has no idea about design, so it's pointless. The person getting interrogated will soon find an excuse to leave. Unless you are really really ridiculously good looking in which case none of this applies to you.

Other conversational starters to avoid: Those to do with age, home countries and the origin of your name ("Did you know that Diana was a Goddess?"). Because if you go out at all, you get them a million  times per night and you are bored.

Instead talk about: Interests, hobbies, other events, travelling, philosophy, restaurants, ideas, what you're reading, fashion, your dreams, peace, detox delivery meus, organic peanuts, custom guitar picks in platinum...Work that niche.


Consumption of drugs and drinking

It's polite to hold a glass with something in it (not pistachios), and share your stash if you're carrying any. DONT WANNA SHARE: DONT CARRY IT AROUND!

PS- Adventures of Barbarella is firmly opposed to drug use. "Make love, not coke".


Paying

Chances are you're going to be handed more drinks than you can safely juggle with two hands (->Clutches with shoulder straps. Seriously) but for the sake of being nice always offer to pay your own. That goes for everything in life, really.

Covered all the basics, keep tuned for dress code and more. It's imperative that I do a little more groundwork. Go off in peace!

All opinions expressed are opinions of AOB & Co. and have been checked with at least 3 professional  party-goers to confirm their veracity.