DEAR DUREX

Dear Durex,

I have a drawer full of condoms and I don't even use condoms. Looks like I'm either a really good girl or a really bad one. Either way, please make your boxes less colourful and shiny as to not to attract compulsive shoppers like myself. My boyfriend must think I'm cheating on him.

Thank you.

xoxo

PS- Also your dildos look odd. Those are coming nowhere near me