I need to write this now because something really messed up happened last night and I want to put it down while it's fresh in my mind, I'd like to reflect on it.

I was out at the Box with some friends including the dj there, some security and some managers. I was drinking my usual glass of champagne (on my third). At around 3.30 I started to feel worse than usual…as if I suddenly had gotten really, really drunk. Which has never happened before, usually I stop gradually and then I leave, I'm not a messy drunk. By 4 I wasn't drinking anymore. However I started feeling unstable, drowsy, beyond anything I've ever experienced. I don't know why I didn't leave immediately.

Well from there onwards I have lapses of memory, I don't remember wrapping up, leaving the club or picking up my coat. I would swear to you it never happened, but I have my coat. Then I remember being in my friends car while he drove me home and I remember getting really embarrassed because I was slurring so bad, I couldn't say the words straight let alone put them together. I thought…wow, I must be really drunk, I need to get out of here. Then I blanked out a couple of times, I don't remember opening the door, and next thing I know I was in my flat and I couldn't even stand and everything was moving. Not that throbbing swaying to the sides I feel when I'm really drunk, but different…everything was upside down and actually changing places and going somewhere. I could not for the life of me get to the bathroom, it seemed impossible, I kept falling against the wall. Then I started shivering a LOT, and crying uncontrollably for no reason. Then I started throwing up (I've never thrown up from alcohol, ever). My heart was pounding really fast and I couldn't think and I couldn't stop crying, like when you've just broken up and you are just so desperate, that kind of agonizing sob. But I didn't know why I was crying. Anyway it wasn't getting any better, so I phoned my friend and told him that something was up and that I needed him to come over.

While I was at home on the phone, on skype, crying, I amassed a total of three juices in my bed that I failed to recognise as juices and so I kept going back for more. I opened several bottles of water that I set down in patterns around the room, and I hid all of my toilet paper in the fridge. I also wrote down some thoughts on music that I haven't actually heard, but they make a lot of sense (how scary is this). God knows what else I did, this is as much as I've found out so far, it's so so frightening. I also took all my makeup off, which I also don't remember doing.

I have no idea who spiked my drink or what kind of drug he used, but this has been one of the most frightening episodes I've ever been through, not because I thought I was dying, but because for the first time in my life I lost control and couldn't think logically, I didn't remember things, I felt like I was going insane, I felt so desperately out of it. It's my worst fear. I've never tried any drugs, I hate seeing people in that state, I think it renders a person so pathetic, so sad, so weakening. I cannot stand it, and being in that situation was devastating.

I've been on the phone to friends all day and we suspect it was either ghb, mdma or even acid. It could have been something really normal that gave me a bad trip mixed with the alcohol. It could have been something that everybody was having in their drinks, some people do that.

Either way…This was REALLY SCARY. I realise you can't prevent some random douchebag slipping something into a drink when you're not looking, but I know what symptoms to look for and if this ever happens again (or if it happens to anyone reading this), get the hell out of there asap, it's not the alcohol, and it's only gonna get worse and it lasts for hours and hours. Alcohol can have a similar effect on some people, it really depends on the person, but this was just beyond, this was insanity.